Winter I’m done with you! UGH I HATE you winter and everything about you! Layering up Ellie like an onion, getting my own layers on, getting out the door with my purse and the diaper bag slung over one shoulder, her in my right hand the house keys in my left, now she’s slowly sliding down in my arms, the fleece of her snowsuit sliding down my shiny, slippery winter jacket and it’s so cold outside even the DOG won’t go out and pee. Why do I need to take the diaper bag with me every time you ask? Bum wipes freeze in the winter sweeties, yes they do. I found that out the hard way, just like every other thing in this wonderful journey called Sainthood, oi, I mean, MOTHERHOOD.
I COULD just take the wipes out and leave the bag but you know who would forget the wipes EVERY TIME if I left them in the house? Me, that’s who. I don’t even want to talk about it. So, the whole bag, every time I go in and out of the house.
So Ellie is sliding down the front almost to my waist but now the front door is locked at least. I hoist her up one more time, cursing the stupid diaper bag that is now sliding down my other arm. The thought occurs to me, not for the first time, that I need a winter jacket covered in double sided tape. BAM. Stick the baby to the chest like a fly on fly paper. Done like dinner.
I turn and almost slip on the ice crusted on the walk-way, catching myself just in time. I’m already late for Baby freaking Rhyme Time at the local library and what rhymes with ‘breaking my neck in the driveway’ anyway?” I throw my head back and howl “I HATE YOU WINTER!”. It echoes through the mostly empty neighborhood.
Well I feel better but now Ellie KNOWS she has a crazy mom and the neighbors are re-checking their locks.
I make it to Baby Rhyme Time in one piece. Soon I am surrounded by dozens of other mom’s and their babies. We start to sing. Honestly it feels like coming into a warm house after a mad dash through a freezing blizzard and this time I don’t mean the weather. I mean, it felt good to see other people! I realized, surprised, how good it felt to be around other women even if I didn’t know them.
Ellie surprised me too. She hit the kid in front of us and when she turned around, Ellie grabbed her by the sleeve and HAULED for all she was worth, almost knocking her down into us. Whoops! Bully baby alert! Guess I need to get her out more often. Too bad they don’t have baby parks like they have dog parks. I’m just here to socialize her. Guess we both need to get out more. Thank goodness for baby rhyme time….
Angela’s Rhyme Time:
Only good for pucks
Spring will be here soon with any lucks
Only ones deeper in snow are the Canucks. (love you!)
Fully fleeced into bed I tucks
Day to day through the slush I mucks
Winter, winter, winter you sucks.
3 thoughts on “Winter Sminter”
Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle! Miss you.
You should write for a comedy show. That was hilarious. Your one of a kind.
I hate the cold. I hate the cold. I hate the cold.