Also, next time I hear someone say ‘cherish this time with them’ – I’m going to punch them in the big toe.

Look, I get it, I’ve even said it myself. Heck, I even actually feel that way a fair amount of the time. Especially for my littlest guy, who I was feeling conflicted about going to ‘school’ full time anyway. I’m quite happy we are ‘forced’ to have this special time together.  They are thriving, mostly, with us both around and the long days spent cozied in our little family cocoon. We’re mostly grateful we are able to do this and still put food on the table. We’re grateful we’re still healthy.

Like a lot of people with young kids around though, they’re both our salvation (can’t stay in pj’s eating ice cream all day with these bouncing beams of joy) and our ruination. (Can’t you get along with your brother for TWO STINKING SECONDS?)

Or, my favorite mom-phrase that I get to say 17 times a day…”BENJI DON’T RUN WITH A SPOON IN YOUR MOUTH.” Or, this new one, “Benji don’t chase the dog with the balloon.”

There’s also timeless classics like, “Benji don’t pour water on the floor. Benji do NOT run through the water on the floor. BENJI! Benji are you alright? That’s why we don’t pour water on the floor then run through it. You’re ok, there’s no blood. Carry on.”

This one I get to say about 25 times every hour. “Benji stop kicking your sister. Ellie do NOT hit him back. It’s okay to be mad, it is not okay to hurt someone.”

I get to say this one usually right before nap-time. “Benji stop pulling Toby’s tail. Throw them a toy or something. No, do NOT put that dog toy in your mouth. Gross. Benji take the toy out of your mouth. BENJI!!!”

I used to say this one about seven times a day. “Benji – please go put some pants on.”

Now it’s “Benji go…just…at least put your underwear back on. And not on your head this time.”

And then, realizing I haven’t seen or heard from Ellie in 45 minutes:

“Ellie? Where’s Ellie? Oh, you’re here, sitting quietly in your room and organizing your gem and rock collection. Very well. Carry on. No. No, Benji you can’t be in here with food. Wait, what are you eating? Benji where did you get that cookie? The COUCH? How long has that been…let me see – alright there’s no mold. Carry on.”

So, yes, I get the ‘cherishing’ bit and I’m doing my best but we can’t ignore the reality that staying home 24/7 is not the way to a peaceful, happy parent. It just isn’t. This is why they invented grandparents and IGI Playgrounds people.

I digress.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, it’s hard to focus with kids roaming around your house all day seeking that to which they may devour.

Well, there’s always cake, am I right? Now where did I put that recipe for the triple layer coffee-chocolate cake with the lava vodka center? Ah, here it is, under ‘E’ for ‘Emergency Sanity Saver.’

Stay sane my friends.

And if you’re going to get the mail – put some pants on okay? Everyone else is home too and we’ve got nothing better to do then to stare out the window any time we see someone outside. At least, put underwear on. At least you’re not putting it on your head. 

What was I saying about staying sane? Oh yeah…try to stay saner than me. That’s a low bar right now, I think you can manage it.